apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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