you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
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His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
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Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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