I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
