That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
