how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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