I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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