He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
