Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
