He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
