There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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