Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hippo gnu deer
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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