I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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