Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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