You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
