she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Panties = found
Randomize
