walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
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I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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