Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
