I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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