we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
