I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
