Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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