Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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