Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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