Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
