Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
