I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
