Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
