I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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