I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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