Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
