My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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