Its about making memories worth repressing
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
