just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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