I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
