Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
