The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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