just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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