Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
