happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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