Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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