Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
