Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
