you traded sex for a burrito?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
