Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
