i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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