Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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