Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
