no, he came in my armpit
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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