I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
