Jerry, you need to find god
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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