I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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