babies were throwing up all over the place
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
