If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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