I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
