Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
