I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
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Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
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The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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