The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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