Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
