Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
