okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
