I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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