she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
