I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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